Have you ever woken up, stared at the ceiling, and thought, \u201cIf one more thing goes wrong, I\u2019m just going back to bed\u2026 for the rest of my life\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you ever feel like you\u2019re technically alive, but emotionally on airplane mode?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do the holidays roll around and instead of joy and cheer, you get anxiety, depression, and the overwhelming urge to hide in your car with a Costco pumpkin pie and ignore everyone?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yeah. Same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This holiday season hit me differently. Not cute \u201cmatching pajamas and cocoa\u201d different. More like \u201cwhy-is-everyone-on-the-verge-of-a-breakdown\u201d different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My dad is 75. He\u2019s white, loving, and sarcastic in that \u201cI\u2019ll tease you but also hug you right after\u201d kind of way. He\u2019s the type who will tell you he\u2019s fine while limping and wheezing like an overheated bulldog. My mom, who\u2019s Korean and the emotional backbone of the family, can translate his sarcasm into actual human language better than Google Translate ever could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went out to their car to bring things in for my mom, and when I opened the door, I saw my dad\u2019s breathing machine sitting there like it was on strike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked my mom, \u201cWhy is Dad\u2019s breathing machine still in the car? He needs this every night.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She sighed and said, \u201cHe didn\u2019t want to carry it upstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now listen, my dad isn\u2019t lazy. He\u2019s sarcastic. If you tell him to take his machine upstairs, he\u2019ll joke, \u201cWhy? So I can live longer and deal with you people?\u201d before eventually doing it anyway. But leaving the machine in the car? That wasn\u2019t sarcasm. That was something deeper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Bible says, \u201cWhere there is no vision, the people perish.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When someone stops carrying the things that keep them alive, it\u2019s not stubbornness. It\u2019s not laziness. It\u2019s the quiet surrender that comes from losing purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went upstairs, sat beside him, and gently asked, \u201cDad, do you feel like living anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a soft voice \u2014 not sarcastic for once \u2014 he whispered, \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My heart cracked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked, \u201cDo you feel like you have no purpose?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Again, \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is a man who has pastored people, prayed for people, given to people, loved people. A man who survived decades of life, marriage, ministry, parenting, health issues, and still managed to laugh at everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But even the most loving, sarcastic, wise people can hit a point where they feel empty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pastors struggle.
Parents struggle.
Strong people struggle.
Joyful people struggle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nobody is immune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So we talked about purpose. About why he\u2019s still here. About why God isn\u2019t done. And yes, I threw in, \u201cDad, if God wanted you finished, you\u2019d already be in heaven arguing with Peter at the gate. The fact that you\u2019re still breathing means there\u2019s still a reason.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I usually visit my husband, Stephen, on the weekends in prison. Today, his parents went in instead, and Stephen later told me about something horrific that happened during visitation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A man on the yard got the news that his wife wanted a divorce. He ran into an office while no officers were inside, locked the door, and stabbed himself. He died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He didn\u2019t just lose his marriage.
He lost his hope.
He lost his vision for his life.
He lost the belief that tomorrow could be different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s what hopelessness does.
It destroys your \u201cwhy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
People think suicide happens because someone is weak. No. It\u2019s often because someone cannot see a future anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hopelessness kills long before death does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And now for the part where God shows He has a wild sense of humor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I received an email one day from a man who told me he had a gun to his head, ready to end his life. He had my cam show on in the background \u2014 not exactly the setting you expect for a spiritual miracle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Right before he pulled the trigger, he heard my laugh. My loud, ridiculous, contagious laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Something cracked inside him. He put the gun down. He started crying. Instead of killing himself, he checked himself into rehab.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Months later, he emailed me to tell me that my laughter saved his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I read that email with chills all over my body. And I just whispered, \u201cThank you Jesus for using someone as messy as me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If God can use a pornstar\u2019s laugh in the background of a cam room to interrupt a suicide\u2026 then please do not tell me you have no purpose.
Do not tell me you\u2019re too broken.
Too flawed.
Too old.
Too tired.
Too imperfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because if God can use me, He can definitely use you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here\u2019s what I\u2019ve learned:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Life is messy.
Life is hard.
Life is unfair.
And life absolutely does not care about your holiday plans.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the moment you lose purpose, something inside you dies. Not physically. But spiritually. Emotionally. Mentally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You start to dim.
You start to withdraw.
You start to check out.
You stop caring about the things that keep you alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just like my dad.
Just like that man in the visiting room in prison.
Just like the man with the gun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Purpose is not luxury.
Purpose IS oxygen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So if this season feels heavy, if the holidays make you want to disappear, if everything feels wrong\u2026 start here:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ask yourself:
\u2022 What is one thing I can do that helps someone else?
\u2022 Who can I bless?
\u2022 What breaks my heart?
\u2022 What dream have I buried?
\u2022 What would make me excited to wake up?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pray. Even if your prayer is, \u201cGod, please make something make sense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your purpose has to be bigger than you. When your purpose includes lifting others, healing others, serving others, helping others\u2026 then it becomes strong enough to keep you going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe your next step is:
\u2022 Volunteering
\u2022 Visiting prisoners
\u2022 Mentoring someone
\u2022 Serving at a nonprofit
\u2022 Writing a book
\u2022 Starting a business
\u2022 Helping kids or seniors
\u2022 Caring for animals
\u2022 Creating something meaningful<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Write your vision down.
And then take one small step every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not perfection.
Not a full plan.
Just one step.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Purpose comes in tiny pieces, not giant leaps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What I want you to hear:
If you feel down\u2026 you\u2019re not crazy.
If you feel hopeless\u2026 you\u2019re not alone.
If you feel tired of life\u2026 you matter more than you know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You might feel like my dad, silently slipping.
You might feel like the man who lost his marriage.
You might feel like the man with the gun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But you are here for a reason.
There is something only you can carry.
There is someone only you can reach.
There is a sound only you make.
There is a purpose only your life can fulfill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do not quit before you see why God kept you alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reach out. Speak up. Ask for help. And then \u2014 begin to chase purpose like your life depends on it\u2026 because it does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The lesson we can all learn:
Vision keeps us breathing. Purpose keeps us moving. Love keeps us grounded. And God can use anyone, anywhere, at any moment \u2014 even a pornstar\u2019s laughter \u2014 to save a life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Remember you are my lovers, whether you love me or love to hate me you are still my lover!
Don\u2019t forget Jesus loves you and so do I!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Have you ever woken up, stared at the ceiling, and thought, \u201cIf one more thing goes wrong, I\u2019m just going back to bed\u2026 for the rest of my life\u201d? Do you ever feel like you\u2019re technically alive, but emotionally on airplane mode? Do the holidays roll around and instead of joy and cheer, you get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":82,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-78","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=78"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/82"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=78"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=78"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onlychristy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=78"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}