Have you ever had a holiday season where you look around and think…
“How in the WORLD am I supposed to be thankful right now?”
Have you ever had so much chaos hitting you at once that even your therapist would need a therapist?
Have you ever felt like if ONE more thing goes wrong, you’re packing your bags and moving to a cave with no Wi-Fi?
If the answer is yes, welcome to my TED Talk of survival.
If the answer is no… just wait. Life be lifing.
This past season has been one that would make soap opera writers say, “That’s too much. Tone it down.”
Because baby, when my life falls apart, it falls apart with CONFIDENCE.
Let’s rewind.
Seven years of battles.
Seven years of crying, praying, screaming into pillows, repeating Bible verses like spiritual caffeine, and somehow still showing up with lipstick and a smile even when I felt dead inside.
Then one day… BOOM.
The news drops a bomb that explodes my entire world.
Breaking News:
My husband, Stephen, was found guilty and sentenced to 30 years in prison for crimes he committed as a teenager.
The story went national — TV, newspapers, Yahoo front page — EVERYWHERE.
We didn’t even need paparazzi. Jesus said, “Let me give y’all publicity the HARD way.”
Suddenly, our neighbors didn’t want to ride the same elevator as us.
Friends disappeared like they were in the witness protection program.
Online comments turned into threats.
My social media felt like a hostile takeover from people who can’t spell but can definitely hate.
Then Stephen goes to prison…
has a stroke…
can barely speak for months…
has diabetes, kidney disease, heart issues…
kidneys functioning at 28%.
Meanwhile I’m over here trying to hold it together like the last piece of tape on a broken package from Amazon.
I felt like half of me died.
I wanted to hide.
I wanted to disappear.
I wanted to curl up like a turtle and only stick my head out if someone said “free food.”
Every morning I’d wake up and pray,
“Lord… can you give me the motivation to exist today?
Just enough to not scare people at the grocery store?”
And somehow — in the middle of pain, shame, loss, judgment, and fear —
I felt God’s peace.
Not the calm, spa-day peace.
The “I should be losing my mind but somehow I’m not” peace.
Then this month…
Family fights.
Sibling drama.
Jealousy.
Backstabbing.
And my uncle-in-law passing away two days ago.
It felt like the trials were on SALE and the devil bought the whole store.
But…
Here’s the miracle.
Here’s the plot twist nobody sees coming:
I am still thankful.
Not fake thankful.
Not Instagram-caption thankful.
Not “I’m blessed” while crying into cheesecake thankful.
I mean REAL thankful.
Because even in hell, God didn’t leave me.
Jesus carried me when I was too exhausted to stand.
He gave me strength when I had none.
He gave me peace when my world was burning down.
He sat with me in the shame, the grief, the anger, the heartbreak — and never once walked away.
And because of Him…
I can still say, “Thank you, Jesus.”
Thank you Jesus for the transformation you’re doing in Stephen’s life —
How he started Living Faith Church CTF inside prison
Raised up 13 pastors
And now the pastors he raised up is leading a church of over 200 inmates every Sunday.
Thank you Jesus for using him to bring hope to men who’ve been suicidal, broken, judged, and forgotten by society.
Thank you Jesus that prison actually saved his LIFE.
Doctors said he had two years left without medical care.
Now he has no diabetes
He’s eight pounds away from no longer being obese
And his health is improving.
Prison said punishment…
God said protection.
Thank you Jesus for my in-laws and my parents who didn’t run away but stood with me through the storm.
Real love doesn’t disappear — it digs its heels in and fights.
Thank you Jesus for every connection I’ve made this year — the unexpected networking, the partnerships, the people who saw me as human instead of headlines.
Thank you Jesus for the red carpet events and the prophecies from years ago that are now unfolding like a Netflix series.
Hollywood — here I come, baby.
Thank you Jesus for the vision you gave me ten years ago that I’m finally stepping into:
My YouTube channel
My stand-up comedy career
My book
My podcast
My destiny
My purpose.
“From Pastor to Pornstar: Holy to Horny” isn’t just a book — it’s a divine setup.
A message of grace for EVERY person judged, broken, ashamed, and written off.
Thank you Jesus for pushing me when I wanted to quit…
Lifting me when I felt worthless…
Loving me when I was a hot mess express with no brakes.
Because despite the heartbreak, the shame, the trials, the suffering, the loneliness, and the nights I cried myself to sleep…
I STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR.
And so do you.
No matter how dark your season is
No matter who walks away
No matter what falls apart
No matter what breaks your heart
There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.
Thankful you’re alive.
Thankful you survived.
Thankful you’re stronger than your storm.
Thankful Jesus never left you — not even once.
Happy Thanksgiving, my loves.
We made it through another year.
Bruised, not broken.
Shaken, not destroyed.
But still here.
Still standing.
Still grateful.
Remember you are my lovers, whether you love me or love to hate me you are still my lover!
Don’t forget Jesus loves you and so do I!