Sometimes the hardest theological conversations are not really about theology.
They are about pain.
They are about people we love.
They are about wounds we have watched form in families, marriages, and churches.
Recently, a pastor shared with me something honest and vulnerable. He was grateful for the way grace stretches farther than he realized, but he was also grieved. As a marriage and family therapist, he has seen real destruction connected to pornography. He has seen marriages fall apart, children harmed, and people feel farther from God than ever. His question was not hostile. It was aching.
So instead of debating, I want to respond pastorally and biblically, in a Q and A format, to the heart behind the question.
Q: Christy, how can the church engage in something that has hurt so many people without clearly proclaiming that it is not pleasing to God and incongruent with His values? Isn’t pornography a demonic attack? Shouldn’t believers grieve their sin if they truly have the Holy Spirit?
A:
First, thank you for your honesty. I hear your grief, not just your theology. And I agree with you on something important right away. Pornography can absolutely become a stronghold in households. I have seen marriages harmed. I have seen trust broken. I have seen shame isolate people from God and from each other.
But I believe the mistake we often make is stopping the conversation at the behavior instead of asking what is underneath it.
Porn is not unique in this way. Medication can save a life or destroy one, depending on how it is used. Alcohol can be enjoyed responsibly by some and be devastating for others. Guns can protect or kill. The object itself is not the root problem. The human heart is.
When Jesus addressed sin, He rarely focused on the external act alone. He went after the internal drivers. Fear. Control. Power. Loneliness. Shame. Unmet needs. Those are the places where destruction begins.
So when I talk about grace, I am not minimizing the damage people experience. I am saying the solution has to go deeper than condemnation of behavior. Condemnation does not heal hearts. Grace does.
Q: But doesn’t Scripture show that people who truly have the Holy Spirit grieve their sin, like David and Peter did? How can someone appear joyful or at peace if they are sinning?
A:
David grieved deeply. Peter wept bitterly. And I want to point out something important. Their grief did not come from being rejected by God. It came from encountering God’s mercy.
Peter did not repent because Jesus threatened him. He repented because Jesus restored him.
Grief looks different in different people. Some people cry. Some go quiet. Some look joyful on the outside while still wrestling deeply on the inside. Outward emotion is not a reliable measure of inward sincerity.
The Holy Spirit convicts. He does not perform. He does not demand a visible emotional script to prove authenticity.
For some, joy is not celebration of sin. It is relief that they are still loved while imperfect. That relief can coexist with deep internal wrestling that the public never sees.
Q: What about 1 Corinthians 10:13? Doesn’t God always provide a way out of temptation?
A:
Yes. And I believe that verse completely.
But the way out is not always running from something external. Sometimes the way out is running toward Someone internal.
That verse is not about moral performance. It is about God’s faithfulness.
The temptation is not proof of failure. The faithfulness of God is the point of the verse. The way out may be community, honesty, therapy, accountability, prayer, or simply continuing to trust God when you feel weak.
Grace does not say temptation is acceptable. Grace says you are not abandoned in it.
Q: 1 John 3:4 says sin is lawlessness. Isn’t ongoing sin rebellion against God’s law?
A:
That verse is true. Sin is lawlessness.
But John is writing to distinguish between identity and practice. He is not saying that believers never sin. He is saying that believers are no longer defined by sin.
The phrase “practicing sin” in 1 John refers to living in unrepentant rebellion, rejecting Christ while claiming to belong to Him. It does not describe believers who struggle while clinging to Christ.
If it did, then every believer would be condemned, including the apostle Paul, who openly confessed his ongoing struggle in Romans 7.
The law shows us what sin is. Grace shows us who we are in Christ.
Q: How do you personally reconcile being a pastor while being honest about your flaws and your past? Do you feel bad? Do you believe what you preach?
A:
I do feel conviction. I also feel compassion from God. Those are not opposites.
What I do not feel is disqualified.
My salvation is not measured by my past or my profession. It is measured by the finished work of Jesus. My calling is not rooted in flawless behavior. It is rooted in grace that reaches flawed people.
I am not preaching rebellion. I am preaching redemption.
I am not saying behavior does not matter. I am saying identity comes first.
God never said, “When you get everything right, then I will love you or use you.” He said His strength is made perfect in weakness.
If God only used people whose lives looked tidy, Scripture would be very short.
Q: So where does this leave the church?
A:
The church must hold truth and grace without turning either into a weapon.
Yes, sin destroys.
Yes, God’s design is good.
Yes, holiness matters.
And yes, grace goes farther than we are comfortable admitting.
When the church leads with shame, people hide. When the church leads with grace, people heal.
What looks messy on the outside may be God working in places polite religion avoids. Transformation does not always start where we expect it to.
Grace does not excuse sin.
Grace redeems sinners.
And sometimes the loudest proclamation of God’s values is not condemnation, but radical mercy that keeps people coming back to Him instead of running away.
If you have any questions or want to go deeper email me at info@funnychristy.com.
Whether you love me or love to hate me you are still my lover.
Jesus loves you and so do I!